I
haven't bothered updating this thing. I've wanted to, it's finding
the motivation and time to do it that's the problem.
Not
much to update. Right when things seems to look like they may be
getting better, it takes an immediate nose dive. I've been putting
more effort into actually dating and giving more of a chance then I
normally would have. Instead of writing someone off immediately I've
actually gone out on date 2 or 3. And if there is still no chemistry
on my end I walk away.
I
went out with Jon, this 28 year old really shy guy not to long ago. I
have no clue what it was about him, probably a mix of his incredibly
beautiful smile, pretty green eyes and sweet personality that drew me
in. He was slightly taller then me, a bit pudgy but NOTHING like
other guys I've gone out with, and had this sexy voice and great
taste in music. Forget it... I was instantly sucked in. I felt all
those girly emotions. I wanted to see him again soo badly! As in...
the next day badly.
But...
Jon
clearly didn't like me back. At least that's the impression I got. He
did text me with in 10 min of us separating (after spending 4 hours
together laughing and joking around). He complimented me and what not
but no plans for a 2nd meet up. I felt really devastated
and honestly... hurt. I didn't bother asking. Before I was going to
set myself up for even more heartache I just let him go. It was NOT
something I wanted to do, but knew I had to.
Today
an over abundance of mixed emotions came over me. For a moment I
thought about packing my stuff and moving away. Talking to my dad and
moving to FL next month. Taking the next few weeks and seeing about
finding a job in my field down there. But after more careful thinking
I realized I could never leave this place. My pets are here and my
best friend is here. My life is here. Everything that means something
to me is here. I refuse to leave Jenn. Not again. I could never do
that again. If she decides to ever move I'll move wherever she goes,
but I will not leave her side. No matter what.
So
I decided to give up. To stop looking for someone and just let go.
The last time I did that was how I met Sean. He found me. I'm cutting
ties with some people. At least for now. I've contemplated changing
my number too. I just wanna walk away and forget the guys I've met.
And not be bothered. Today I've officially thrown in the “dating”
towel.
I've
pretty much been single for the past 18 months. I might as well make
it 2 years.
