All this came about a couple of weeks ago. I felt ontop of the world. Like nothing could bring me down. I was going to be getting my kitten. That I have seen since he opened his eyes. Seeing him on a regular basis (weekly). My mother had stated that if I re-homed all my rats I could get the kitten. Well as much as I adore my rats, the responsibility of so many is really starting to get to me. The cleaning, feeding and attention they require is a LOT for just one person. So I agreed and started going through the steps of seeking good homes. Well on a Friday morning as I was getting ready to walk out the door my mother dropped the bomb that i couldn't get my kitten. Why? because her dog wouldn't get along with the kitten. That the dog would kill the kitten and that she only wanted the best for the kitten. BULL SHIT!
I got so upset. It was as if someone stabbed me in the chest. As always my mother did all she could to make me feel as small and insignificant now (that I'm an adult) as she did when I was a child. Saying one thing one moment then turning around and changing her mind. I have wanted a cat for over 15 years. I absolutely love cats and find them to be far better pets then any ugly mutt. I left in a fit of anger. Crying and screaming. Hoping all the worst for my mothers dog. With good reason, mind you. I got to work and thought hard. I decided that if I couldn't have my kitty (that I was already very much in love with) at my mothers home, I would have to do what it takes to find a place my kitty IS welcomed and move. Thankfully I have wonderful friends and was offered a room at my friends home. She's the person that is fostering my kitten and his siblings until they are old enough to go to homes.
The catch? It's an hour from were I live now and even a farther drive from were I work. So I have a place I can move to, all I need now is a better paying job in the area of were the place is. Now... I absolutely LOVE the town. I go there and feel right at home. It's peaceful and beautiful. I go during the weekends and enjoy myself. I get to see my friend AND my kitten. What else can I ask for?
So right now I'm looking for a job in that area. As soon as I do, have money saved up (from my current job) to pay for rent, I'm OUT OF HERE!
So... that's what's going on with moving.
My health.
As many people know, I have anxiety. It's getting worse by the day. My anxiety is becoming stress related. I'm stressed out on a daily basis so this is really, really bad. My dr put me on a different inhaler. She also said that my livery enzymes are off. That it could mean a few things, including the chance of Hepatitis. So I'm going for MORE blood work to check all that out. Also she wants me on a diet (what a surprise). Even thought I only gained ONE POUND in the last 2 months i still got lectured about my weight and eating habits. Go figure.
The dating world.
I hate dating. It's probably one of the more... annoying things a single person has the misery of dealing with. I've turned down a number of dates in the past few weeks. I'm so emotionally and mentally unavailable I don't even want to think about the possibility of having to deal with another person and their bull shit. I have never really been happy with being single. I've actually always fought to avoid it. But now that I am single, now that I do have so much going on, I'm really happy that I don't have that extra person around to suck all my attention. I have a few people I talk to on a regular basis, but nothing has (or will) happen with them. At least not any time soon.
As truly crappy as things are in my life, I know it's all for the best. I have to move out and become my own person. Like it or not, it's a step that's needed in the growing and developing process. I've always been fiercely independent. This is just the last step I need to take in my life.
This kitten is changing my life. And it's for the better. He's making me want more for myself and for him. I want to be the best I can be, because of him. He's my miracle kitty.
