Disappointed

If you're anything like me, and I'm pretty sure NO ONE is, you'll understand were my feelings stem from.

I was super excited for James's party last night. I got new jeans and made sure to pick up a birthday cake for him. I couldn't wait to spend time with my friends and meet some possible new ones. I got there and everything was ok. My friends were there and I was really happy to see them. Then... there were James's friends. I can't say much about them because I don't know them, but from actions and appearance only the words that best described the girls includes: Stuck up, slutty, bitchy, stupid, conceited. And the guys: Jocks, tools, assholes, immature and retarded.

Needless to say, not my cup of tea. 

I ended up totally alone after maybe an hour. James and his friends were inside playing some stupid game thing and his other friends were outside ostracizing me. And my friends were (pretty much) having sex on the deck.

I felt lonely, pissed, annoyed, disappointed, depressed and really stupid. I went inside to get my phone (that was charging) packed my bag and left. I let James know that I was going and why I was leaving. I was so upset I ended up breaking down in tears. I hated his friends. They were the perfect definition of everything I hate in people. They all looked like and acted like they belonged in California surfing in orange county. And the guys looked like they belonged on Jersey shore drinking, fucking girls and smashing beer cans with their heads.

I drove home really upset. A part of me felt like I was at Jonathans party (AGAIN). The only difference is that James cared about how I felt and was genuinely sorry. 

  I felt really mad and disappointed in my friends. I understand you just started dating, I understand you're all about being together 24/7, take shits/pisses/ showers together and pretty much fucking every chance you have. But COME THE FUCK ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!! there is a time and a place for everything. The time and place is at home ALONE. I never realized how much I detested PDA until last night. It made me lose my appetite. Oh... that was another thing, I got there STARVING. I had nothing to eat since 2pm. I got there at 8:30. I was dieing and the moment all that went down I lost all desire to have anything to eat. I got in my car and left at like 10:30pm. I was able to suck it up for 2 hrs but that was 1hr and 59 min longer then I should have. 

I'm supposed to be going to another party that the King and Queen of the fuck club will be attending and due to my o-so HORRIBLE experience last night I'm considering not going. I don't want to get mad and say/do something or ruin things for the other people going.

(Note: It takes very little effort on any persons part to make me not want to do something ever again. Just traumatize me once and you're good to go for the rest of my life.)

So I'm staying home and hanging out with my babies. Playing some xbox and watching TV. Sounds boring, but I welcome it any day of the week in comparison to the hell I endured last night.

I wanted so badly to call Chris and talk to him and have the “hand to hold”. But I didn't. I knew that if I craved my freedom and my single life back (that I FINALLY GOT after 5 months of wanting it) I needed to take the bad with the good.

I'm single now. So that includes all the added (not so good) bonuses of... dealing with things alone.

Yeah... it kinda sucked but I got through it. I just reminded myself that this is what I wanted and I need to stand on my own 2 feet again and I'll get past it.

I'm ok now. Still really disappointed and pissy. But oh well, it's a lesson learned. NEVER GO TO A PARTY UNLESS AT LEAST 5 PEOPLE I KNOW will be there. And neither of those 5 being the 2 that I'm disappointed in. 

I really needed to vent. And I'm so happy I did. I'm gonna go take a nap and reeeelax.