1 year to the month

So it's been a year, to the month, since things really changed for me. I had so much happening last year all at once that no one ever knew about. I'm one of the few people that keeps my pain to myself. I like to kinda just deal with things by writing it out. I hate rambling about the same situation over and over again like talking will fix the problem. It doesn't. All it does is serve as a reminder. 

 I decided that I needed to pull away from all the things that brought me to my lowest point. I removed people from my life that I do not, in any way shape OR form regret removing. I with drew and pretty much had to relearn certain things. Like how to put MY needs first. I've been doing that and letting other people just deal with their issues on their own. I have a nasty tendency of caring WAY to much about other people. I can't imaging living the way I was last year. 

This past year has been filled with ups and downs. I found out what true happiness felt like, pure loneliness and pain beyond explanation. Normally these are things no one would want to endure. But I'm not like most people. I'll take the good with the bad any day. If I sheltered myself and avoided all sorts of pain what would I learn? Nothing. You can't gain anything if you're not willing to lose something. I have faith that I will be happy again. That I'll find that someone that makes everything I've endured worth the pain. I know that what I've gone through isn't more then I can handle. I'm the strongest person I know. Well... besides my mom that is.

Some key things I've learned:

What goes up, must come down.

I have 2 family members in my life. My mother and my brother. Every other “family” member is either dead or dead in my eyes (this excludes extended family like my cousins/uncles etc.)

I can count my best friends on one hand.

I can count my close friends on my other hand.

My pets will die. No matter how much I tell them to live forever.

Pumpkin Coffee is the legal form of crack.

The greatest thing is waking up snuggled up close to someone you care about.

The rain still sucks.

Snow is NOT the devil, but when it snows a LOT if sure feels like hell.

I still really don't like parties. Unless it's being thrown at my house. :)

Hugs & kisses are the best remedy for a super crappy day.

 October is nearly here and I can't wait for all the things that follow. I'm excited and happy. I feel really optimistic that this time next year I'll be better off then I am right now. I refuse to give up. Things will be better. I'm gonna have a great Halloween, a great Thanksgiving and a merry Christmas. Oh! And another wonderful New years. :) 

(oh and btw... I've been officially single for 4 months. Just wanted to throw that out there.) 

Current song that describes my mood: