I deserve the best

Like I posted about last time, I packed Seans stuff in a box and have been meaning to bring it to his house (when I know no one is there) and drop it off. All I want back is the necklace that I left by accident.
I feel that by holding onto those items I'm holding onto him. It's been 3.5 months. He's not coming back. Even if he does I've reached a point that I don't want him back. I thought it would take me longer to get here. To let him go and let the "dream" of our storybook ending go.

Next month he graduates and that's when he would be open to getting back together. When school is done and over with and it's one big weight off his shoulders. But I don't want him back. I don't want anyone that turns tail and runs at the sight of stress. That will only be with me if it's convenient for them. Relationships aren't meant to be easy, they are meant to challenge you and make you a better person. If it was easy, it wouldn't be worth it.

I'm the only person that has ever fought to hold onto a relationship. The guys I end up dating pretty much just shrug their shoulders and don't care. It's a pretty good indication of their incredibly crappy personality. I can honestly say I don't care for any person I've dated in the past. They were too weak and not worth the time of day and especially the emotion I invested in their meaningless existence. I can't believe how much I've put into some people only to get nothing in return. It's one of those things you try not to think about, but when you do you feel like a piece of shit.

I deserve the best. And I feel like up until now all I've gotten is the "Clarence items", the "remnants", the "better then nothing" guys. And yeah, that does include Sean.

All I can say is they are not my problem anymore. If they are someone elses problem that person can deal with their lack of motivation, ADD, ED (yes, I just said ED!) possessiveness, insecurities, inability to prioritize, crappy time management, disgusting eating habits, boring personalities and a mess of other things I can't even remember right now.

WOW! after writing that last paragraph I feel so much better! I should consider these guys not being with me anymore as a blessing.