I got a orange piece of paper left at the back door today. From the post office. It's a certified letter... from Sean. I dunno why anyone would need a huge ass envelope to put a necklace in but I'm just happy it was sent. I wasn't able to pick it up though. The paper says to pick it up tomorrow. So that's the first thing I'm doing tomorrow morning.
I have no idea why but I felt this overwhelming feeling of sadness. I had waited so long to get to this point. Now that I'm here I don't know were to go.
It's funny how I don't remember what comes next. I've been faced with heartache many times before, but not like this. I mean even when I was waiting (7 months) for Andy to come around I never felt like this. Maybe I did, but I've blocked it out. I guess I just block these things from my memory in an effort to move on. It's worked in the past. Why can't I do it now?!
Probably because I haven't moved on. This is the longest I've gone with out so much as being truly interested in another person. I've had other people interested in me. But it was never mutual. I was honest from the start. Letting them know I just can't do it. I don't wanna date or be in a relationship. I want to be alone (to suffer alone is more like it) and do whatever I want. Because lord knows no one can hold me back from doing what I want.
Needless to say, every one of them got emotionally invested and I just emotionally checked out.
So here I am, exactly were I asked to be. Alone. It's very bittersweet. I don't have anyone to care about and I don't have anyone to care about me. I just gotta do the things I like to do no matter what. I am looking forward to slaughtering a pumpkin, spilling his guts all over the place and carving a face. I haven't done that in YEARS and am eager to do it. I also want to make apple pies from scratch. One for people... one for fuzz butts. Oh my babies LOVE apples! I wanna go on a hayride so badly. I've never done it and it looks like so much fun. I won't let my solitude define me, I will make it empower me. It's all a reminder that there are no garentees in life and to never give up.
Now that I have rambled non-stop I'm going to go and enjoy Season 3 Episode 1 of VAMPIRE DIARIES!!! I can't wait to see Damon in all his super hot and sexiness. Here is my (other, besides Eric Northman from True blood) dream man:
Last but not least I just feel really happy that I'm not the only person in the world that feels THIS way:
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