(Background on the video: The show this video is based from is Everwood. My all time favorite show that is no longer on TV. The main characters are Ephram & Amy. They had this up and down friendship/relationship. He leaves for like 4 months suddenly. Breaks up with her because he needs to "be alone" and then comes back and it's pretty much to late. She's emotionally over their relationship and is comfortable being alone. I have a VERY strong feeling something similar will happen with Sean and I.)
Right now, as previously posted, I am focusing on myself. I know how I look when I'm thinner and I am a total knock out. I see pictures of my past. I remember being able to run my hands over my hips and feel the bone or over my ribs and press down lightly and feel them. How great these cute pants looked on me and made my ass look amazing! I mean I can't believe I allowed myself to fall so far off the wagon. I was so strict with myself too. No candy, no soda, little bread, no greasy foods and the list goes on and on. I feel guilty for punishing myself. For neglecting the only person that has ever really mattered.... me.
Today I went to the gym (with Jenn) for the first time. I walked in there and was surprised how many hot guys there are. Then I saw the hottie of all hotties.... JENNS PERSONAL TRAINER! holy hell he was so doable I wanted to rip his clothes off right then and there. I was able to enjoy the view of his cute little butt while he trained Jenn. I got so much out of her session with him it's a crime! I hope I get to see him again.
I got one of those 7 day free try out passes. I think I'm gonna have to sign up, just so I can try to see Adam in all his sexiness.
There was another guy that was super cute and kept on ending up in the same areas Jenn and I went. First I thought he was just standing there then I realized he was actually doing something. He was Spanish so automatically he's out of the question. He had sexy ass arms though.
(I swear to God! I must have some sort of "guy" gene in me because when I am single I check out every and any guy that crosses my path. But Adam REALLY did it for me. He's tall and has a cute butt, a little sexy gut, straight hair, light skin, HOT arms, pretty eyes and is TALL. Ok... now I sound creepy. Moving on...)
I thought about the whole losing weight thing and what it means for me. Clearly it means the obvious. Looking better, feeling better, looking better, being healthy. Blah blah blah. But there's something I never really care to mention to most people about the past "60lbs less" version of myself. I was a BITCH! I mean I can be bitchy right now but I was the most snotty, cold hearted, judgmental, "I think I'm better then everyone" BITCH!
I've become far more grounded since I put on weight. I know myself well enough to know that I'm going to revert back to the way I was. I'm not particularly thrilled about it, but if I'm putting in the effort then part of me feels like I'm entitled to say/think things. I mean, if I can do it so can the next person. If I can get out of an 8 hour work day, drive 40 min home and then go to the gym for an hour I think everyone should be able to. Oh and then I have to come home, cook/eat food, clean, pick out clothes, pack lunch, take care of my 24 PETS, shower then go to bed to do the same exact thing all over again.
My standards for dating have always been relatively high. But NOW it's going to be higher. I'm capping a weight limit. I have never EVER judged a guy on their weight. Now, I'm going to. I'm not sure what it's going to be. I'm not looking to be in a relationship.
Well this is all I have to update anyone that actually reads this on. I'll be adding more posts eventually. :)
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