Today I went to top off the rats food bowls and I noticed how Krinkle has gotten super social. She runs straight to the bars and begs for some attention. She was so shy when Sean and I brought her home. He picked her out. Same with Olive Garden. He really wanted me to get them both. He loved those girls and would often play with them while I was in the kitchen cooking us dinner.
The past month has been really tough. But I feel like all I've really done is put a band aid on a stab wound. No matter what it won't fully heal. I still deeply love Sean and yearn for him every single day. I think about all the stuff we would do and how incredibly happy he made me. I'm so terrified of moving on and him coming back and having to make a very difficult decision. I don't want to hurt anyone the way I'm hurting. Or if he never comes back and I'm left with being a relationship that's not with him. I know I have to let him go. Let go of the hope that he will come back. Right now, that's all I have. I never wanted to not be with him. I never thought it would all come crashing down right in front of me the way it did. All I have left are memories, pictures and his stuff.
No matter what, I want him back. I don't want anyone but him. If I get involved with another person all I will be doing is always wanting Sean. Always knowing that anything I'm doing would be better with him and only him. I'm not over Sean. I don't think I will be any time soon, if at all.
I foresee this summer being a very lonely one. But that's ok, because I would never take back the winter and the spring I had with him. I wouldn't undo one single second.
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