I've made is 3 months. I have had ups and downs. Some days were definitely harder then others. I feel especially sad at the end of the month and on the 11th. I can't say I don't think about him. I do. But it's getting better. I'm re-learning how to live alone again. As much as I may not like being single the selection for men that are "my type" are so small that I might as well just stay single for as long as it takes to find someone great that will love me and accept me for ME.
I think that's what made Sean so great in my eyes. The fact that he did accept me for me. He never made me doubt myself or question anything. We accepted one another.
I fear that no one will ever take me for me. No matter how serious I am or how "lazy" I apparently am (I'll get back to that). It's a very lonely feeling. I feel lonely all the time. I can be in a room filled with people but I still feel lonely.
Or as of recently I've been made to feel like something is wrong with me. Like I need help fixing my personality. I need to "lighten up" or "relax". Well to bad. If you can't take me for me then you aren't worth associating with. I don't like being made to feel like just because I'm different it makes me less important or that I'm this horrible person.
I know I'm not a horrible person. I'm a great person. I'm loyal, honest, very giving, devoted, understanding and a bunch of other things. But I guess when people are judging me and telling me to (pretty much) change, they forget about all my good attributes and only focus on the (supposed) bad ones.
Onto the "lazy" comment. A friend (that shall remain nameless) had the audasity to call me lazy. Now, anyone that knows me, knows that is the farthest thing from the truth. (clearly that goes to show how little he knows me). The conversation went something like this:
he asked me why I had to be home early. I stated that I wanted to cook lunch and get things ready the day before. (such as; make my lunch, get clothes ready, take a shower, feed my pets etc). He then asked if I had time in the morning, I informed him that yes I do. I wake up at 9am and get ready. I leave the house between 10:15 and 10:30 so I can take my time getting to work, get my coffee and make any stops that I might need to make. He IMMEDIATELY jumped down my throat calling me lazy. That I can just do it in the morning and instead of doing it at night I can do it in the morning. By this point I was so emotionally exhausted that I just agreed with him. I agreed that I am lazy and that he's right. I (did just what my father told me to do) and shut up and just took it.
I decided to take my "lazy ass" and just lay low and keep to myself. Do what I have to do and just stay quiet. I'm keeping conversations with said person very very minimum and bare bones. Not getting into detail about anything. He really hurt me and my trust in him is EXTREMELY limited. I don't think it's fair that someone judge me just because I don't do what they think is right in their heads. I have NEVER done that to someone. Nor would I ever. I see things as, do what makes you happy, as long as it gets done. Do it.
Well... I'm gonna take my "lazy" self and take a shower so I can cuddle up in bed and watch Teen Mom. I can't wait to see tonights episode.
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