Busy Bee!

So I started this whole diet yesterday. My food consumption has taken a DRASTIC drop. I feel like I eat nothing. When I get hungry I eat some sort of fruit. Mango's have become my fruit of choice at this point. Although the orange is closely behind it. Tomorrow's breakfast is 2 eggs (scrambled) and a few slices of turkey bacon. Lunch is sliced beef mixed with veggies. I have oranges, mango, banana and apple for a treat. My food option is really limited. Especially since I loath 75% of the vegetables out there. The only ones I like include Mushrooms, carrots, celery, corn, broccoli, peas, onions and that's it. I loath peppers. That shit seems to be in EVERYTHING. I pick them out. Yuck! 

As much as I want to hate this whole diet thing I really don't. I already can't have dairy, so there is no big loss. The bread... that's really tough. My favorite candy is like 28g of carb! :(

I just gotta hang in there for another … -gulp-... 6.5 weeks. I better be like 40lbs less. Ok that's totally unrealistic but I really should loss a significant amount of weight. The weird thing is, one of the things I miss the most is seeing my collar bone and ribs. Like when I would breath in I could totally feel my bones and my hips were super boney. GOD! I wanna be skinny.

I want that. I want to feel sexy again. Although... when I was substantially smaller I still wasn't happy. I loved being able to do more because I was so much smaller. But guys wouldn't really talk to me. And I lost weight for myself AND to find someone. I really think it's because guys already thought I was with someone. I was really really small. At my lightest I was nearly single digits in clothing size. And that's a BIG deal for me. To be a size 8. I fit into a small. A SMALL! Oh my god... what I would give to fit into a small.

I'll get there. I know I will. I just have to keep going. Once I'm down around 20lbs then I'll try going to the gym. My doctor told me to first focus on losing weight THEN going to work out. Makes sense. 

                                         At my smallest.

  I am DETERMINED to look like this again. Nothing can stop me.
                                               

Moving on...

This week has been CRAZY! Well... sorta. I gotta come home and clean and do laundry and feed the animals, make my breakfast (for the next day), make my lunch (for the next day) and make my dinner (for that same day).

I have to cut up my fruit and then make sure I have enough packed.

Then I gotta pick out my clothes for work the next day, then I gotta take a shower and finally lay in bed. Tonight I rented a movie so I'm gonna enjoy that!

Tomorrow I'm going to Jenns after work. Gonna hang out there then go grocery shopping for the remainder of the week. Gotta get meats and fruit.

Thursday I'm seeing Randy and Jess. Meeting some new people at karaoke so I'm really excited. It's gonna be GREAT! Friday going to see my p-doc. I really hate having so many dr's. Then I gotta either go help Jess with the preparations of the tag sale or going to see Dina. I loves Dina :D She's awesome!

Saturday going to do the hole Tag sale thing and I'm gonna see if I can bring Bay and Amelia. Bay is really attached to me. I got other plans but those aren't set in stone yet.

So this week is turning out to be great! I'm really happy. 

Today I realized... I finally let go of Sean. I never thought I could. I was so hardened by what happened. I had built this wall around my heart and I didn't want to let anyone through. I was focusing so much on what happened and avoiding having it happen again that I was letting a really great guy slip right threw my fingers.

Once I realized what a major mistake all that would be I put an immediate stop to the negative thinking and knew that I couldn't lose him. That deep down inside (locked away) I loved him and I didn't want to live with regret. The same way I know so many people are currently living.

I'm happy he's still in my life. Now I just gotta see him again. Damn this conflicting schedule! 

On a side note, I'm letting my hair grow out. Yeah I say that every single summer. Then it gets cut like a boys hair come winter time. This time I'm going to see if I can actually let it get as far as my shoulders. I actually don't look so bad.

I better end this. I still need to take a shower, change laundry over and watch the movie I rented.