There are days I miss the affection and general interaction with a guy. More specifically, a
boyfriend. Even when I was with Chris I emotionally checked out at least 3 months into the
relationship. I had no desire to be with ANYONE. But I stuck around trying my hardest to
actually care about another person.
Chris made me "happy" only 5% of the time. The other 95% of the time I was stressed and worried
and wanting out of the relationship. It's hard when you're the ONLY person driving, paying for
stuff and having to carry all this burden while the other person sits back and does nothing.
after his unemployment ran up. I have a sinking feeling Chris just didn't want to work as much
as he said he did, if at all.
I feel a LOT of anger and resentment towards Chris. More then I'm sure anyone can understand.
I'm mad because he knew how miserable I was. He knew how badly I wanted to leave him, he KNEW how much better off I was alone but he wouldn't let up. He held on with both hands KNOWING damn well it was the wrong thing to do. He was being selfish and inconsiderate. I feel hurt, angry and used.
person that they would rather see that person suffer and be stressed out ALL the time then to
say "ok, just go. I know you're not happy." that's not a good person, boyfriend OR friend.
He's tried reaching out to me but I have nothing nice to say to him so why would I talk to him?
I hope he finally gets it through his thick skull that I want him out of my life. He's the first
boyfriend I have ever had to care so little about me and my happiness that I don't want to talk
to him. Every other guy i ever dated (besides Sean) I ended it with them on ok terms. I explained
the situation, we talked and that was that. They didn't hold on, try to talk me out of it, beg
for another chance. They accepted it and let go. That's why I was and still am ok with them.
Chris on the other hand fought me every time I brought it up.
for BOTH of us. The choice of HOW he broke up with me really sucks but WHY he broke up with me is what really shows his colors. yeah he did lie about the stupidest things and he did break
my heart in a billion little pieces, but he did the right thing. He wasn't ready for the life
I wanted and was hopeing to have with him. So he let me go. I would have done the same for someon
I loved. Even if it meant walking away forever.
IF sean came back into the picture and wanted a second chance i would be VERY cautious and weary
but I would love to be with him again. I would give anything to feel even a fraction of happiness
that I felt over a year ago.
Right now I've hit rock bottom in multiple ways. I'm totally alone in the friend department (I
have a total of 2 close friends that have their own lives to lead.) I go to work and keep to
myself. Work is not for socializing. It's for WORKING.
I am single and am pretty much leaning more and more towards a FWB relationship over anything
else. I have nothing to offer anyone. I'm emotiionally unavailable and have no desire to be
romantically involved with anyone. I have embraced the single life in one way but I have also
shunned it in another.
to notice. None of my other "friends" have taken notice that I'm MIA. Go figure.
So due to lack of interaction I'm going to be posting more and more on here. I have no one to
talk to. I feel totally alone and just want to keep away from as many people as possible. If
I do go out I pick and choose WHO i'm willing to see. It sucks but right now my trust in
humanity is non-existant.
forward to. And then in December my mom and I are going to Atlantic City. And in January
I'm going back to FL and then in March. I want to spend my 30th Birthday with my dad. I
have nothing up here.
No comments:
Post a Comment