No
clue how long this will be but I'll try and make this quick. I'm
currently soaking wet and sweating bullets. (GROSS!)
This
weekend took a drastic turn for the better today.
I
went and visited Sarah and Joe. I took Bay with me. She's such a
moosh ball. So I hung out there and Sarah pierced my ears. This time
it's not bothering me nearly as much as the first lord knows how many
times.
Then
I headed to Jesse's to try this strawberry pie that looked DELICIOUS.
I hung out there and we talked and I got a TON of stuff off my chest.
Things that has been on my mind for a while now. Things I don't
generally talk about. I feel much more at ease now that I actually
talked about it. And with someone that understands.
I'm
really grateful for my friends. Like I always say, I would be lost
with out them.
We
talked, laughed, cried... it felt wonderful. I feel really
optimistic. With this whole diet thing I'm hoping that my health
improves. I want to have a great time in Atlantic City this year.
Although the guy that was drunk, singing and flashing 6th
graders was really hilarious last year. I would love to see that
again. Hehehe.
I
figured it out. Well.. sorta... I figured out something. What I need
is to stay busy. To be cleaning, playing games, hanging out with
friends... anything. That helps me A LOT. It helps my depression, it
helps my anxiety, it helps ME. I need to stay busy. To be occupied
with something. Even just hanging out with someone. I'm doing
something to entertaining myself. People can always tell that I have
tons and tons and tooooonnnns of energy. Apparently by the tone of my
voice. Go figure. You don't even need to know me to know that my
energy level is crazy.
So
I'm going to put all this energy to good use. I'm going to go to
Karaoke with Jesse and Randy on Thursday. Then Friday I may go hang
out with Jesse again and then Saturday I'm helping her with this tag
said she's setting up. I love stuff like that! (again, keeping myself
super busy helps so much).
Then
Sunday is my day to see Sarah and Joe!
This
Mon-Wed I'm working 8-6. I need to make up for the time I missed on
Friday.
So
I'm packing extra... stuff to eat at work. My choices have been
limited to fruit, vegetables and meat. Oh and ice. Can't forget good
old ICE! Ugh... I better see some serious results this time next
week. The next 7 weeks are going to be pure hell for me.
I
told Sarah about what happened on Friday. How Andy made the choice to
remove me from his life. Then I explained to her how I felt. And that
how I felt had nothing to do with him and everything to do with me.
How I'm trying to deal with all these issues. And she stops and looks
at me and says “But wouldn't you want someone there to just be
with, talk to and confide in? He could have been that.”
Apparently
just because Sarah is 8 years younger then me it doesn't mean I'm
wiser then her. She was right. 100% right. I started feeling even
more guilty and dumb then I already had. I fucked up. My stupid
negativity really fucked it up.
-sigh-
I
better go jump in the shower. My clothes it starting to itch and feel
really really uncomfortable. This is what I get when I fill the base
of the rat cage up with water and drop it (filled with water) by
accident. I get a great big MESS... ew.
Jesse's dog (Lilly) she wanted me to throw the ball. LOFL!
This pretty much sums it all up. :(
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